13. A man walks inside the clinic and says **"Doctor, I have lost my taste buds. Which book of the major prophets is the easiest to understand? What did God have to say to Jesus? Fear, the children all answered. ~ Proverbs 1:7, Fear thou not; for I [am] with thee: be not dismayed; for I [am] thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. Suddenly Johnnie had an idea. 140. 136. It seemed like a giant ordeal. The white man needs the Negro to free him from his guilt. Don't wait for the hearse to take you to church. "Take it or leaf it. If I get a red wagon for Christmas, I wont fight with my brother Hank for a year. Then Johnnie thought, Oh, no, Hank is such a brat, I could never, ever keep that promise. Additionally, she works with her husband using their extensive experience in information technology to provide Christ-centered teaching and resources to people all over the world. Im just traveling through this world. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him. congregation?" Matthew!!!! After treading water some time, along comes a kid on a small sail boat. How do groups of angels greet each other? Q:Did What time of the day was Adam created? 22. What kind of car does Jesus drive? Funny Bible Verses, Quotes & Scriptures in the Bible Spiritual. It seemed like a giant ordeal. said the woman. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. 29. After watching the boys efforts for some time, the pastor moves closer to the boys position. Abraham knew a Lot. Answer: Its a bird of pray. A policeman . Why couldnt the Israelites initially enter the Promised Land? The good Lord didnt create anything without a purpose. 78. A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a truck. Origin of Species. 34. They are brought before the tribal leader. When preparing for the Feast of Weeks, what did some disciples wonder? 20. Who in the Bible knew the most people? How did Jacob cheer on his grandson? I smell bacon he said to Carlos. The warden lets them choose the method. Just a little before Eve. .except the penfish, which is supposed to be even mightier. He that has his trust set upon God does not need to dread anything except the weakening or the paralyzing of that trust. Did you know they had cars in Jesus time? Accord. Update on December 21, 2015 by Pastor Jack Wellman. 2x2. 77. On the side of head. If a man has the one, he can scarcely have the other in vigorous operation. How do we know Peter was a successful fisherman? It is not my aim to introduce doubts and fears into your mind; no, but I do hope self-examination may help to drive them away. 168. It wasnt the Pinky Promised Land. While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. ~ Billy Sunday, If you listen to your fears, you will die never knowing what a great person you might have been. 104. 63. 181. Favorite Best Christian Jokes, Best Clean Jokes, Church Jokes and Stories, Christian Jokes for Kids, Church Jokes for Kids, and Church Jokes for Adults. But don't allow fear to keep you from being used by God. Perhaps you are afraid of losing your job, of developing cancer or being left by your spouse. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump. However, religion and the ideals that go with it may lend themselves to excellent, clean humor. should make the coffee and the husband asked her where it said that. Give a man a fish and you'll feed him for a day . Priest: Certainly not- return it to the man whom you stole it from. Answer: To get to the other side. "Do you know a Ted Houlihan?" Due to this fact he had never went down on a woman for fear of where they might have been, although it was something he always desired. "If I Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. Answer: Its hole-y. Which area of the Promised Land was especially wealthy? He needs four-wheel drive because the clouds are bumpy. Just a little before Eve 2. You must move against it with the weapons of faith and love. After a while he emerged and informed his mother that 28. 127. To get some humor out of life, Why is Moses considered the biggest rebel in the Bible? How do you know Pharaoh was athletic? ~ Psalms 56:3-4, The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction. A pastor is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. He just knew there was something fishy about it. People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center of attention. Which animal is Elishas favorite? Its the same in my business. Salome has been treated unfairly throughout history. Answer: was a 1st-century Jewish man of Nazareth who, according to the canonical Gospels, was married to Mary, the mother of Jesus, and was the legal father of Jesus. From the mantel above the fireplace, he grabbed the familys statue of the Virgin Mary. "Fine", Zaccheus. Fear is born of Satan, and if we would only take time to think a moment we would see that everything Satan says is founded upon a falsehood. John 4:18 (ESV) on the other hand reads For you have had five husbands, and the one you now have is not your husband.. Its Christmas, Eve! Answer: He broke all Ten Commandments at once. Christian One liners as well as Christian Short Jokes and Stories are featured (and always welcome:)!). Lord, if you cant make me a better boy, dont worry about it. So Johnnie threw away the letter and started again. See Also: Why did Samson try to avoid arguing with Delilah?Answer: He didnt want to split hairs. Trust the Lord to give you the power to overcome fear. Click here for more information. Read them in the archive below. Christian tradition has long held that Jesus was not married, even though no reliable historical evidence exists to support that claim,. "The arrrrrrk.". 133. Who was the greatest moneyman in the Bible? On the Ark, Noah probably got milk from the cows. When Zachariah and Elizabeth disagreed, what did he do? It all comes down to fear. Fear is a self imposed prison that will keep you from becoming what God intends for you to be. so she goes to a shop and buys a handgun. What is a mathematicians favorite Bible book? ~~~, A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question, Boys and girls, what do we know about God? Tractors. Why is Swiss considered the most religious type of cheese? When he saw her pull out her bible he gave a little chuckle and went back to what he was. What excuse did Adam give his children about why he no longer lived in Eden? Which minor prophet is well-known thanks to cookies? 24. Yet, if we submit our hearts to God and stand in faith, we can resist those first fearful thoughts. Trembling with fear, they find an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones. 157. The first said, "I built a big house for Mom." The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes Benz." The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. you know that they had automobiles in Jesus time? Faith, Children, Fear Kinds of Fear Mysophobia is fear of dirt. Absolutely ruthless. He delivered the silent treatment. Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. 27. Who in the Bible had the greatest business plans? . What is a Christians favorite song to listen to while driving? 98. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. The greatest mistake we make is living in constant fear that we will make one. One bright little girl replied, She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again. Why did the unemployed man get excited while reading his Bible? Turning anything into whine. Proverbs 17:22 "A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones." (ESV) However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. But did you know that the Bible tells us that God hath not given us the spirit of fear? What did Adam say when he was asked about his favorite holiday? Doubts and mistrust are the mere panic of timid imagination, which the steadfast heart will conquer, and the large mind transcend. were arguing who is making the coffee, the wife said that in the Bible it says that men Joke has 82.93 % from 79 votes. God had a wife, Asherah, whom the Book of Kings suggests was worshiped alongside Yahweh in his temple in Israel, according to an Oxford scholar. Hydrophobia is fear of water. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands. He only had two worms. And pass it on to other folk! (Unknown), Thanks for reading Hope you had several good laughs! He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation. 119. For Christians, the birth of Jesus Christ has a deep spiritual significance, but that does not mean to say that worshipers cannot enjoy a good clean joke at Christmas. Enjoy Many Great Clean Jokes, Christian Joke of the day, Clean Joke of the Day. "I do" 32. not because he's afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris. ", 9. ~~~, A wife and mom invited some people to dinner. Enjoy! 106. And if you think that anybody is going to frighten me, you don't know me yet. What did Joseph tell Mary? Moses, how do you make your coffee a man asked? Dont let fear cripple you. 164. How do you know Pharaoh was athletic? Bethlehem lies 10 kilometres south of the city of Jerusalem, in the fertile limestone hill country of the Holy Land. Then God created Woman. Hebrews it, obviously. When someone needed a boat made, what did the people in town say? PS: An FYI to our non-American readers, Quilt is another word for Comforter - Corrie Ten Boom. "Hmm, sounds fishy." 2. It happened. Whats loved by Noah and also most meat-eaters? Vintage Fear Not Christian T-Shirt Lords Gym Jerzees Large Measurements shown in photos Worn showing some general wear and age as pictured. What did Zachariah do when he and Elizabeth had disagreements? But, youll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances. As she ran she prayed, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Even my name is one of the most, Who lives at 324 3rd st. Los Angeles. Then some of them spread from Africa into Asia and Europe after two million years ago. The parents were shocked and the new mother started to weep. 26. 191. Fear visits everyone. 2 windows down, driving 50 miles per hour! 55. 163. The child was. 94. Discipleship and worship. He had a court. A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Ezekiel. Dear Lord, please dont let me be late! ", 32. "What Denomination?" Ryan, you be Jesus! to help you put up with me.". Franklin D. Roosevelt once said "There is nothing to fear but fear itself . It had been years since he had gotten a good night's sleep. It is good to remind ourselves that the will of God comes from the heart of God and that we need not be afraid. What did Adam say when he was asked his favorite holiday? A Christian, a Muslim, and a Jew are sentenced to death. Does God love everyone? The good Lord didnt create anything without a purpose. There are those who wake up in the morning and say, Good morning, Lord, and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, Good Lord, its morning!, There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: I have good news and bad news. ~ George Macdonald, The presence of fear does not mean you have no faith. Acts 2:38! They announced they are going to start selling Lager flavoured gel that is 5.3% alcohol, for women to rub on their privates in a bid to encourage men to perform oral sex. Instead He gives us what we need to overcome fear He gives us power and love and a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7). God has been good and He will continue to manifest His goodness. Laughter is an important part of life and when it is coupled with Christian comedians you are bound to be rolling on the floor! The substitute wanted to know what to play. In its place, the Lord works to establish healing, forgiveness and peace. Which Bible character had no parents? This is a discussion oriented Bible Fellowship. Okay, said his father. One man stepped forward. As part of his basic training he had to participate in a war game. Which Bible character was super-fit? A hand shot up in the air. Confessor: Thank you, Father. The Golfers Hymn Theres a Green Hill Far Away "Give me Phi-lemon! Whats so funny about forbidden fruits? Answer: Mule-tide greetings. With the power of God within us, we need never fear the powers around us. Ive circled this block for 10 years. 8. 23. Convertible. ~ Alexander MacLaren, The greatest mistake we make is living in constant fear that we will make one. Christians are monotheistic, i.e., they believe theres only one God, and he created the heavens and the earth. How would you rate Jael's camping skills? Visiting Pastor A pastor went out one Saturday to visit his church members. said the captain, "you pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets - Answer: Zaccheus. Answer: They were using fowl language. "I'd prefer a house with no den.". 46. Why is Samson considered the best comedian in the Bible? Little 8. Christianity, major religion stemming from the life, teachings, and death of Jesus of Nazareth (the Christ, or the Anointed One of God) in the 1st century. Beloved, I say, let your fears go, lest they make you fainthearted. 1. As she ran she prayed, Dear Lord, please dont let me be late! Immediately, panic set in. Joshua, son of Nun (Joshua 1:1). How much is this going to (Pente)cost?. 95. By the third day Juans mind started to wander and the hunger and dehydration were getting the better of him. What do donkeys send out near Christmas?Mule-tide greetings. How do you make Holy Water? Why didn't anyone want to fight Goliath? The Tailors Hymn Holy, Holy, Holy 6. 176. Harold is His name. Confessor: But I have offered it to him and he wont have it. Yes, but He prefers fruits of the spirit to religious nuts!. Somebody get me a priest!" the man gasps. The minister chuckled, I know what you mean. Several went up. The godly man contrarily is afraid of nothing; not of God, because he knows Him his best friend, and will not hurt him; not of Satan, because he cannot hurt him; not of afflictions, because he knows they come from a loving God, and end in his good; not of the creatures, since "the very stones in the field are in league with Him;" not of himself, since his conscience is at peace. 72. Fear Faith. A joyful heart is good medicine, The hostess with the Moses.. What did David have in common with Hamilton? 170. But make your fear a visitor and not a resident. A perfect faith would lift us absolutely above fear. What did Zachariah do when he and Elizabeth had disagreements? 113. How are toddlers and those who attempted to build a tower to Heaven similar? Nope, just an apple. ", Billy had been misbehaving 1 Chronicles 16:11 Seek the LORD and his strength; seek his presence continually! Scroll down for lots more, eg Out of the Mouth of Babes, Hymnal Jokes, plus links to even more collections of Very Funny Christian jokes. "Father," he said, "I am deeply concerned about the success of my marriage." You take some regular water and boil the devil out of it. They have mass. She is incredibly hurt, and on her way home finds herself in a local gun shop, purchasing a handgun. What's a Christian's favorite card game?Eucharist. Grace.. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. As she ran she once again began to pray, Dear Lord, please dont let me be lateBut please dont shove me either! 11. Jesus, take the steering wheel., 39. He lies dying on the sidewalk as a crowd of on-lookers gathersaround. 39. 89. A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they ~ Rick Warren, The worst evils of life are those which do not exist except in our imagination. So, one day he stops seeing the psychoanalyst and decides to try s . 51. -Sorry, I dont follow you. 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