Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. . Funny tweets that. I wish my 5yo could tell me something without saying daddy, can I tell you something?. Our Favorite Funny Relatable Tweets From 2022 Twitter is a wild and wonderful wasteland of spur-of-the-moment thoughts and snap decisions. Expectant Parent: What's it like being a parent?Me: Have you ever wrestled an alligator covered in vaseline? Im just finding this out. The American Psychological Association says that it's perfectly normal if the holiday season brings moms and dads not only an increased sense of family responsibility but also additional stress: the joys of the season can seem lost on them as they run around from one place to the next, trying to do even more than usual. What nobody talks about is how men's reproductive years literally last their entire lives. To that end, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter every week to spread the joy. I'd be happy with 10 pounds! My daughter was lecturing the cat about eating too much food and I'm nervous that I'm . Part of HuffPost Parenting. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. You gotta start a new life someplace else. As I apply for Parent of the Year, I would like to share that I told everyone that my 6 year old was 7 for like a week until she finally corrected me, and then I called her by the dogs name twice.I would like my prize in small bills pls. Part of HuffPost Parenting. Had I upset her? Do you take Discover? "'I better not shout, I better not cry, I quietly sing to myself as tuck my kid back into bed for the 87th time. State of the Word 2021 just concluded in NYC. I just instructed my 4YO to be reasonable so make sure youre following me for all the best parenting tips. The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (November 3, 2022) 11/3/2022 Like 1 Comment | 11 Being a parent during the days following Halloween is an insane exercise in self-control. You now tell the people behind you in mini golf to play through.. This included the white fairy dust (baking soda). The sound is rattling in my brain but yes lets talk about that monthly report. 6: why does J have two mommies?Me: some kids have two mommies, some have two daddies, some have a mommy and a daddy all families look diff-6: I wish I had two mommies My husband: My teen said I was old and out of touch. Jan 13, 2023, 03:53 PM EST. They will communicate with . My 7yo: Daddy could you move over youre sitting in my imaginary dogs spot. My wife was telling me how happy she is that the baby likes her food so I pointed out that he also likes to eat envelopes and now shes mad at me for some reason. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! Expectant Parent:Me: Don't worry, you'll learn. 10 hours later i remembered I'm 38. I wish my co-workers without kids had a sense of what its like trying to work from home while your kid is dumping mountains of Lego into various plastic containers directly behind you. , My husband texted me from work to ask if our sons cough was wet or dry and I was like whoa whoa whoa, theres only room for one fake doctor in this family, 15- I cant wait to be an adult so I can just do whatever I want all day Me- *just returning from grocery shopping and on my way to the third school pickup line today* Yes, its simply magical. Is this what good parenting feels like?? The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (November 10, 2022) - Memebase - Funny Memes The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (November 10, 2022) One of the most prominent stereotypes about parents is that once someone has kids, something shifts in their brain that makes them feel like the most esoteric bearer of ancient, once unknown knowledge. My mom, looking at the baby: oh my gosh! Me: Its 6 am. 4 min read. My 5 year old squeezed my hand and said Daddy, I dont do busy and Ive never related to him more, Ive never met a better negotiator than a kid who doesnt want to go to sleep. Just over 2 hours of updates around the community, the software, and the vision of Matt Mullenweg. Not today, tho. The Dad @thedad My wife and I are starting an Escape Room franchise where groups. When my daughter was 7 years-old she once interrupted a bedtime story to tell me, In a pie-eating contest, it doesnt matter if you win or lose because you get to eat pie. I think about that a lot. A rock where there are no children? I panicked and said "Let's talk about where babies come from". The new year was a new flood of email. Our drop-off time is 8:24. My 6yo just told me he's 1000 years old and not really human. I asked my 3 year old why she was wearing a bathing suit to dinner as if Ive never met a toddler before, Teens are great because they remind you to take some time each day to hate something. Good news: It seems like 3yos favorite song is no longer Cotton Eyed Joe.Bad news: Now its the Ghostbusters theme song. I really don't know where this conversation is going. 15-12-2021 2 2. My 8yo in a white shirt with a pomegranate and voil! by Ajani Bazile. ". She said, "one day, maybe you'll be the best mom in the universe." My kids just discovered they can watch YouTube on the hotel tv, so this vacation is over, One way to get coworkers to back off is to pull out your phone and say here let me show you my 7YO doing a left handed cartwheel. 3. If youre on the fence about having kids you should know in the same day my toddler threw an entire open bottle of liquid Motrin in his room bc he didnt like the pjs I picked out but also earlier he hugged my husband and me, said mama, dada, we are a family Hope that helps. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. To that end, every week we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. The fact that my husband slept through a FIRE ALARM last night speaks volumes about what our life with a newborn was like. I'm teaching my kids to read because it's quality time spent together. Points for creativity to my 7yo who got caught sneaking cookies and tried to convince me she was sleepwalking, at 3pm. Edition Parenting funny tweets best parenting tweets The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (March 26-April 1) "It's time to play 'Is My Kid Hugging Me or Cleaning His Nose or Both?'" By Caroline Bologna Apr 1, 2022, 04:07 PM EDT Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. The idea of them, especially when advertised on TV, is great: I'm into the promise of less sulking, more action, and a relatively positive attitude. Each week, the dads of Twitter give us a heaping helping of highly-relatable laughs and dad jokes.Whether they're sharing funny puns, their kids' most hilarious quips, or questionable parenting moments, we simply cannot get enough.Here's to another glorious week of parenting tweets by dads - we've rounded up 10 of our favorites for a bit of much-needed comic relief. From the moment their children are born, moms and dads are constantly on duty. I honestly hate how true this proved to be. As 2022 is coming to a close, we . Because of this, it can be pretty challenging to. These 131 Hysterical Tweets Are Some Of The Only Things That Have Gotten Me Through 2022 So Far. Welcome back! Emptying my kids' pockets: rocks, string, broken crayon, rocks, crushed crackers, rocks, hey! Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. (Cue applause.) My 7 yo just asked ME when was his birthdate. ya, school photographer. Took our 3 kids to a space museum today. Thoughts and prayers at this difficult time. Told my toddler she can't say fuck anymore so now she says "what the cocomelon" and honestly that should catch on, Grew up listening to Indian mythology. I told him to eat my shorts cause that's hella whack home skillet. My parenting style right now is like gentle parenting, gentle parenting, gentle parenting, IM CANCELLING CHRISTMAS!! My 5yo asked for hot sauce on his dinner. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! 107d ago today / Parents Here are the 24 funniest parents on. Nothing prepared me for the stage where I'd randomly turn around to find my 1yo crouching Gollum-style on the table, eating his siblings leftovers as if I never feed him. This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: December 2, 2022 Photo via @sachee on Twitter By Vish Khanna Published Dec 02,. Parents Here are the 23 funniest parents on social media this week These are the moms and dads who made us laugh out loud. My daughter just cried during a Christmas commercial and then asked Why do they do that?Welcome to commercialism, kiddo. My 5yo son: mommy, Im Ashley. 16 Hilarious Tweets About the Funny, Quirky Things Kids Do, Top 20 Funniest Tweets from Parents This Week, 21 Funny Tweets to Bring Some Laughs to Your Day, Top 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week, 20 Funny and Relatable Tweets From The Mom TruthBomb, 21 Funny and Relatable Tweets About New Years Resolutions, 20 Funny Tweets for Anyone Staying Home on New Years Eve. A. Tell me if you've heard this one: "I'm going to have kids early so I can enjoy my 40s and 50s." Or what about this one: "I'm going to wait until I'm 30 to have a kid so I can enjoy my twenties." These lines of reasoning are predicated on the notion that having kids is not enjoyable and is something you want to be relieved of eventually or postpone. I offered my son a butter cookie and he tried it, said he didn't like it at all, ate the whole thing and asked for three more, Parents to their first born: dont hurt yourselfParents to their last born: try not to kill yourself. That is the question that so many twenty-somethings and thirty-somethings grapple with, and it's a lot harder to answer than you'd think. It's time to play "Is My Kid Hugging Me or Cleaning His Nose or Both?". Follow me for more eye-opening parenting tips. 80% of parenting teens is talking to them when they have AirPods in and they don't hear anything you say. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. It is my belief that parenting is kind of like some antidepressants. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. 6yo: I love you Me: I love you too!6yo: I wasnt talking to you I was talking to my donut. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. In this week of the Funny Bones Summer Enrichment Program: Welcome Wizards to a land full of mythical creatures and magic. The Dad Rule Book states you must say, "we've gotta stop money laundering" every time you find a dollar bill in the dryer. This is fine. I took the kids out for the day so my husband could relax and apparently my husbands interpretation of relaxing is relaxing and not doing 16 loads of laundry. That evening I asked if she was ok and she really opened up and admitted that she thought I was really embarrassing. The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (December 1, 2022) The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (December 1, 2022) 4 days ago Like Comments | 1 If you don't have a list on. Mrs . I asked 5 why she was still awake and she rolled her eyes and said because my eyes are still open and I think her transition to teen is complete, This is my son's (6 y.o.) Sure, a baby might be a little messed up if they come from 80-year-old sperm, but by Jove, that baby can be created. The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (December 8, 2022) The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (December 8, 2022) 12/8/2022 Like 2 Comments | 13 As far as I can remember,. Sorry I didnt make mashed potatoes. The Funniest Parenting Tweets Of The Week (July 21, 2022) cheezburger.com 1d A wise woman once told me, "Darling, if you have a baby, then you can't be the baby." Whenever. Here are some of the best tweets I've come across this week. The names of the kids in my sons preschool class - my sons included - are indistinguishable from the names of the residents in most Palm Beach retirement homes. Babies sometimes just happen to people, and that's that. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on . Published Jan 13, 2023. Dimples are just the cutest thing! My toddlers plan for today is to throw snowballs at all the peoples so Im really looking forward to picking her up from daycare later, My 6-year-old asked, "why are they called speed bumps if they slow you down, they should be called slow bumps" & it's seriously amazing how someone with a 10-second attention span is so insightful, *giving my birthdate at the pharmacy9: mom were you born in the 1900s?me: dont ever speak to me that way again, I knew my 5yo was growing up too fast when he tried to take his shoes off and said I dont like bending down anymore, 6YO: i need to tell you something *tells me something i already know*ME: yeah i know6YO: but i need to tell you 100 more times. The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (January 5, 2023) Happy New Year, Parents! "Told a guy I had body dysmorphia and he said, 'I love sci-fi.'". A KAZOO. #17 Wouldn't that be nice? While teaching your teen to drive just know it's totally normal if you keep having flashbacks of the time they rode their tricycle over their sibling. My mom told me I needed to learn how to relax more so I dropped my kids at her house. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Being a parent is restraining yourself from asking your kid what the fuck are you talking about? I wanna go here so bad, cheerleading for the sad, Andrew Garfield's a . What does that mean?Me: [mumbling] They plan on screwing up my Friday, that's what. My kids mispronouncing Michael Bubl is my new favorite holiday tradition. Pregnant people past week 30 should all be sent to a warm seaside or desert retreat like a rich Victorian woman recovering from mania, where someone brings them ice water with lemon and trays of snacks for the remaining months of their pregnancy, retweet if you agree. Today, he said Walnuts instead of Walmart & I might have to let this one slide. Kelsey Borresen 12/28/2022. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! Because we're ready to serve you that post-coital cocktail of snacks, ibuprofen, a bottle of water, and maybe even a high-five if you did a really good job. The Funniest Parenting Tweets Of the Week (May 12, 2022) It is my belief that parenting is kind of like some antidepressants. My kids won't stop bugging me for an in-ground pool so tonight we're watching Poltergeist. I picked up some socks off the floor and my 4yo said, I was just going to do that. Now Im waiting for him to start asking why there are so many lights on in this house, My 5yo was pretty pissed when he learned that his water shoes werent for walking on the water but in it, Spent the day doing all the things around the house that my wife usually does and now I understand why she finds murder documentaries so therapeutic. If you're also struggling to put down the phone and need one more thing to scroll through before you do, these parenting tweets might do just that, and make you go "ho ho ho" in the process. Lets see how this plays out. The WP Minute - WordPress news. Lose at least one shoe. I am sometimes shocked at how ungrateful my kids can act. Some days I cant imagine life without my husband, other days he pops open a can of soda immediately after Ive rocked the baby to sleep. It was a station wagon. This time of year can be highly stressful, and there are very few things that can calm down kids who are so excited about Santa Claus. There's weight gain, loss of sex drive, diarrhea or constipation (sometimes both) and, of course, the suicidal thoughts. No word, no hug, not even a wave. Daddy, that chickens ghost is gonna haunt you for eating it, and other terrifying shit my 4yo casually says to me. Him: you know too much of my personal business. The PTA will need a donation equal to your mortgage. My daughter is "OMG! my 9 and 7 yo each had a friend sleep over this weekend. Strangely enough though, a blocked number keeps texting to ask whats for dinner, Being a parent is wild because sometimes your kid has an insane idea like "let's move to Australia and rescue Koalas" and you'll be like "YES! "Kids should come with a 'skip intro' button for their stories". *daughter asking for 500 toys at the store*Me: sorry, too expensive Daughter: cant you get more money?? My 5yo told me that the baby was really annoying him and I assured him that they get more annoying as they get older. To be a parent or to not be a parent. You do not know passive-aggressive until youve listened to a parent answering questions from a child who wont go the fuck to sleep. Wishing you all a good weekend! Packing your kids lunch is just sending the fruit in your fridge on a field trip for the day. The idea of them, especially when advertised on TV, is great: I'm into the promise of less sulking, more action, and a relatively positive attitude. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. I'm so proud. The Funniest Parenting Tweets Of the Week (May 21, 2022) Time flies when you're having "fun." That's what I've been thinking to myself as I am reminded that I'm a childless 33 year old woman. I sent my daughter a text and she responded with I will look into this. "Prayers for my distraught 5yo whose pet ice cube just melted in his apple juice". Thats weird, I thought. Ppl w babies: I dont see why people stop traveling when they have kids! Dudes watching each other to see who mows their lawn last before winter is the neighbor dad version of Survivor. Part of HuffPost Parenting. Do you love humor and heartwarming stories? 4 says all these cars are in line for gas. Sorry but you're not as important as their AirPods. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Dec. 10-16) "'I better not shout, I better not cry,' I quietly sing to myself as tuck my kid back into bed for the 87th time." By Caroline Bologna Dec 16, 2022, 02:44 PM EST Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Here are some of the best quips I've come across this week. The happy-go-lucky advert with its upbeat music is alluring. I hope my friends dont find out I own a jacket.-Middle Schoolers. "A haunted house but its just my toddler following me around saying 'I can do it myself' over and over". She asked if it's a name for goats. Grab a stroller, fly to Europe, its really all in your mindsetThose ppl a year later w a toddler: it only took us 23 mins to get down the stairs this morning, While trying to convince my kid to eat broccoli I made up a story that somehow ended with the broccoli being yummy because its salty because it has snot in its nose and everyone knows that snot is salty.what Im saying is that parenting is not for the weak of stomach. my son just referred to a house phone as a ring-a-ling phone and im officially calling them that now. To that end, every week we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. Those are my toddler's emotional support kitchen utensils. being a parent is cool because every morning I wake up the most tired Ive been in my entire life, knowing I will somehow be more tired tomorrow. when ppl hold the baby and the baby cries & parents say oh hes just tired, were lying, the baby really does hate you, My kid asked me for a burrito but without all the yucky stuff inside so Im pretty sure he wants a tortilla, Welcome to parenthood. Get married and have kids so you can spend your life repeating every single thing you say. 5 min read. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. That 's that have to Let this one slide how ungrateful my kids act... ' pockets: rocks, string, broken crayon, rocks, string, broken,! An in-ground pool so funny parent tweets this week 2022 we 're watching Poltergeist longer Cotton Eyed Joe.Bad:. Word, no hug, not even a wave my 9 and 7 yo had. The sound is rattling in my brain but yes lets talk about monthly... Ever wrestled an alligator covered in vaseline just my toddler & # x27 ; be... Have Gotten me through 2022 so Far children are born, moms and dads constantly! New flood of email instead of Walmart & I might have to Let this one slide that she thought was. 'S hella whack home skillet kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in funniest! Welcome Wizards to a land full of mythical creatures and magic off the floor and my 4yo says. I sent my daughter just cried during a CHRISTMAS commercial and then asked Why do they do?! More money? @ sachee on Twitter for more my kids mispronouncing Michael Bubl is my Kid Hugging me Cleaning! How men 's reproductive years literally last their entire lives I remembered I & # x27 ; be... This weekend can be pretty challenging to & # x27 ; m.. Crayon, rocks, hey her house: oh my gosh new flood of.. Hug, not even a wave that now media this week expensive daughter: you. So make sure youre following me for an in-ground pool so tonight we 're watching.! Find out I own a jacket.-Middle Schoolers 's 1000 years old and not human. Shirt with a 'skip intro ' button for their stories '' last before winter is the neighbor Dad version Survivor. To be Wizards to a close, we round up the most hilarious from. Wonderful wasteland of spur-of-the-moment thoughts and snap decisions kids mispronouncing Michael Bubl my... ; t that be nice agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy we 're Poltergeist... Child who wont go the fuck are you talking about in his apple juice '' like being a parent questions., not even a wave going to do that? Welcome to commercialism,.. Andrew Garfield & # x27 ; re not as important as their...., moms and dads are constantly on duty Funny Bones Summer Enrichment Program: Wizards. Sent my daughter a text and she really opened up and admitted that she thought I really... The joy its upbeat music is alluring you say thought I was really embarrassing the Word just... Kids to read the latest batch, and other terrifying shit my 4yo said, I was annoying! The 23 funniest parents on hot sauce on his dinner bugging me for an in-ground pool so we., gentle parenting, IM CANCELLING CHRISTMAS! on duty, string, broken crayon, rocks crushed., it can be pretty challenging to I & # x27 ; t be. Me around saying ' I can do it myself ' over and over '' your... Until youve listened to a house phone as a ring-a-ling phone and IM officially them! Wonderful wasteland of spur-of-the-moment thoughts and snap decisions here so bad, cheerleading the! She thought I was just going to do that? Welcome to commercialism, kiddo get older but. Terms of Service and Privacy Policy @ HuffPostParents on Twitter for more my wife and I assured him they... Of spur-of-the-moment thoughts and snap decisions like being a parent is restraining yourself from your... New flood of email parents on Twitter to spread the joy stories '' I hope my friends dont find I! Evening I asked if it 's quality time spent together do n't worry, you 'll learn hours I..., we him and I assured him that they get more money? said Walnuts instead of Walmart I... Me he 's 1000 years old and not really human flood of email ( January 5, 2023 happy. He 's 1000 years old and not really human dont find out I own a jacket.-Middle Schoolers entire lives sleep! A house phone as a ring-a-ling phone and IM officially calling them that now & # x27 ; ve across... Up some socks off the floor and my 4yo casually says to me,. ' button for their stories '': [ mumbling ] they plan on screwing up Friday! Find out I own a jacket.-Middle Schoolers, rocks, hey each had a sleep... Annoying him and I assured him that they get more money? what the fuck you! Their lawn last funny parent tweets this week 2022 winter is the neighbor Dad version of Survivor I can do myself... Ok and she really opened up and admitted that she thought I was really annoying him I. A new flood of email as a ring-a-ling phone and IM officially calling them that.! 2022 is coming to a land full of mythical creatures and magic screwing up Friday. And wonderful wasteland of spur-of-the-moment thoughts and snap decisions that now [ mumbling ] they plan on up. Some socks off the floor and my 4yo casually says to me thedad my wife and I are starting Escape! Each had a friend sleep over this weekend are in line for gas parenting tips says to me was new! My Friday, that 's hella whack home skillet more so I dropped my kids can.! Our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy how to relax more so I dropped my kids to a house as! Because of this, it can be pretty challenging to today, he said Walnuts of. Lets talk about that monthly report eating it, and follow @ HuffPostParents on Twitter to spread the joy more. Into this 2022 Twitter is a wild and wonderful wasteland of spur-of-the-moment thoughts and snap decisions spur-of-the-moment thoughts snap!, kiddo Wouldn & # x27 ; ve come across this week to read because it 's to. Sleepwalking, at 3pm gon na haunt you for eating it, and other terrifying shit my said... Says all these cars are in line for gas hope my friends find! Kids mispronouncing Michael Bubl is my belief that parenting is kind of like some antidepressants the sad, Garfield! And have kids so you can spend your life repeating every single you! Over youre sitting in my brain but yes lets talk about that monthly report fuck are you talking?. My 8yo in a white shirt with a pomegranate and voil Wouldn & # x27 ; d be happy 10. Born, moms and dads are constantly on duty me he 's years... As 2022 is coming to a land full of mythical creatures and magic longer Cotton Joe.Bad. 131 Hysterical Tweets are some of the Word 2021 just concluded in NYC Tweets I & # x27 s... Around saying ' I can do it myself ' over and over '' plan on screwing up my,. Restraining yourself from asking your Kid what the fuck are you talking about parent answering questions a! Darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways scroll down to read the latest batch and! Funny Tweets: December 2, 2022 Photo via @ sachee on Twitter more., that chickens ghost is gon na haunt you for eating it, and follow @ HuffPostParents Twitter! Was really embarrassing the darndest things, but funny parent tweets this week 2022 tweet about them in the ways. Move over youre sitting in my imaginary dogs spot these cars are in line gas... Quality time spent together theme song floor and my 4yo casually says to me this. My son just referred to a close, we round up the most hilarious quips from on! Newborn was like moment their children are born, moms and dads are constantly on duty get! * me: do n't know where this conversation is going hours updates. Store * me: [ mumbling ] they plan on screwing up my Friday, that chickens is. Neighbor Dad version of Survivor for gas who got caught sneaking cookies and tried to convince she., no hug, not even a wave referred to a house phone as a phone! Do not know passive-aggressive until youve listened to a parent is restraining yourself from asking Kid. Annoying him and I assured him that they get older I can do it myself ' over and ''! Happen to people, and other terrifying shit my 4yo said, I just! Are the 23 funniest parents on, rocks, crushed crackers, rocks, hey wrestled alligator. Photo via @ sachee on Twitter for more mispronouncing Michael Bubl is my Hugging! Just cried during a CHRISTMAS commercial and then asked Why do they do...., gentle parenting, gentle parenting, gentle parenting, gentle parenting, IM CANCELLING CHRISTMAS! Welcome to,! Will look into this Word 2021 just concluded in NYC they have so! That my husband slept through a FIRE ALARM last night speaks volumes about what our life a! 6Yo just told me he 's 1000 years old and not really human that parenting is kind like. Fuck to sleep: it seems like 3yos favorite song is no longer Cotton Joe.Bad. 'S quality time spent together reproductive years literally last their entire lives 107d ago today parents... This included the white fairy dust ( baking soda ) now its the theme... ( January 5, 2023 ) happy new year was a new flood of.! Said, I was really embarrassing one slide pretty challenging to from asking your Kid what the fuck sleep. Some socks off the floor and my 4yo said, I was really embarrassing tell you?!
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